She
by karjens44
Summary: Wine, Scotch and a late night, long over-due conversation helps Nina and Rachel come to terms with what happened and the status of their relationship. Spoilers for When Push Comes to Shove and virtually the whole 2nd season just to be safe. Also rated it T for some language. A/N : Sorry. Tried to edit on this site but the changes weren't taking so I'm having to repost.


Title: She

Fandom: Alphas

Pairings: Nina/Rachel F/F

Disclaimer. I do not own any characters or situations of the unfairly cancelled Alphas. I just borrowed them for entertainment purposes.

Author's Note: The title came about when I went to save this originally and it just saved the first word. I was going to rename it but I kept hearing that song She by Charles Aznavour in my head and I decided I liked it. It made me think of Rachel.

I'm extremely new to Alpha's but I saw something between Nina and Rachel from the first few interactions and damned within 15 episodes I'd had about ten story ideas. Seriously why are there so few Nina/Rachel stories (Ninchel? Rina?) So please forgive me if I get any facts/details wrong or screw up the timeline a bit.

Unbeta'd. All mistakes belong to the Word Spellcheck.

_She__  
__May be the face I can't forget__  
__The trace of pleasure or regret__  
__May be my treasure or the price I have to pay_

_She__  
__May be the song that summer sings__  
__May be the chill that autumn brings__  
__May be a hundred different things__  
__Within the measure of a day_

_She's not a member of my team….I'm not interested._

Rachel's words, said with a hatred Nina had never heard from the younger woman before, continued to play over and over in her mind. She'd done so many horrible things when she'd left Rosen's group but none of them made her as sick as what she'd done to Rachel.

Sighing heavily, Nina knew that sleep wouldn't be coming anytime soon so she threw off the covers and headed to the kitchen. She poured a glass of wine and briefly wondered if Rachel would care that this was the first bottle she'd ever bought herself. She snorted as she sipped the barely palatable 'cheap' chardonnay and headed to the sofa. Rachel wouldn't have cared if Nina had succeeded in flinging herself off that building.

"Shit," she swore softly and let her head fall back on the couch as she tortured herself with the memory of what she'd done. She wasn't even sure why, of all things she could have done to the far too innocent young woman, she'd forced her to kiss her. But God Damn could Rachel Pirzard kiss.

Unconsciously, Nina's tongue trailed over her lips as if she could still taste the other woman's. She had always suspected that even if her senses weren't heightened, Rachel was carrying around a spectacular amount of passion inside her petite and rather timid frame and fuck she'd been right. From the second Rachel's lips touched hers, Nina had been so close to forgetting where they were, that her so-called boyfriend was watching and even that she'd pushed Rachel into doing it. If Cameron hadn't interrupted, it was very likely Nina would have had Rachel on her back on the nearby sofa before the woman knew what hit her.

The horrified look of betrayal on her friends face had been a knife in her heart but it was nothing compared to the way Rachel had shut her out since her return. When she'd heard that Rachel had nearly drowned thinking she was saving her, Nina's heart had almost stopped. The thought that Rachel would try to save her, even if it was only a hallucination, gave her hope that she hadn't totally destroyed their friendship, but knowing she nearly died had turned her world upside down. It was at that moment Nina had realized just how much the little brunette meant to her. Rachel's endless compassion, her hidden passion, her big dark innocent eyes…all touched something inside of Nina she hadn't felt since…well in forever. Something that went far beyond the simple protectiveness she'd always assumed it was.

She tossed back the rest of her wine and reached for the bottle to pour another glass when she was suddenly hit by a memory of one of the last times Rachel had been in her apartment.

She and Cameron had been close to making love right there on her sofa when they heard a noise in the kitchen. It was Rachel and she had looked so horrified. The mood had vanished immediately as Rachel stumbled over painfully awkward apologies. Nina had initially thought it was Rachel's normal shyness but for a moment, as Rachel pointed out where Cam's missing shirt was, she could have sworn she'd seen something else on the always-expressive face. Something she hadn't let herself contemplate until now. And she definitely didn't want to think about it now because if what she'd seen was in fact a flash of jealousy, then that only made what she did that much worse.

Nina had been floored when Rachel had stopped by her office to talk about her new boyfriend and invited her to share an extremely expensive bottle of scotch with her. It had been painful to have to turn down the unexpected olive branch and though Rachel had agreed to a rain check, she hadn't brought it up again and Nina assumed Rachel had gotten cold feet.

Finally, Nina couldn't take it so she told Rosen she was taking a couple of personal days to regroup. After getting her word she wouldn't push anyone, he agreed with the condition she be available if they needed her.

So she'd spent the last two days doing something she'd never done before. Lounging at home in her pajamas and drinking herself stupid trying desperately to forget the betrayal in Rachel's sad eyes and the pure passion in her coerced kiss. She was failing miserably.

As she was getting ready to pour her third glass, a tentative knock sounded on her door. She scowled wondering who the hell would be bothering her at two o'clock in the morning and then sighing as she figured it was Rosen needing her to do the one thing everyone judged her for.

She pulled the door open prepared to tell the old man she was too drunk to be functional but froze as she saw the adorably anxious Rachel standing on her doorstep.

"Rachel," she stated weakly.

"Hey. I'm... oh; you're in your pajamas. I woke you up. I'm sorry…I just…never mind I'll um...go."

Nina blinked as she tried to process the rapid babbling that was usually quite endearing. Then she saw the small brunette turn away and panicked. "No Rachel, wait," she said quickly. "Come on in. I wasn't asleep."

"Oh," Rachel said nervously, pushing her hair behind her ear and followed the taller woman into her former home.

"Would you like some wine?" Nina asked, heading for the kitchen. "I'm afraid I'll have to open another bottle but…I paid for it," she said turning to her unexpected guess with a small self-depreciating smile, which faded as she saw Rachel examining the already near empty bottle.

"It looks like you started with out me," Rachel said as blandly as she was able. "But actually I brought the scotch I told you about," she smiled shyly and held out the bottle Nina hadn't even noticed.

"Oh?" Nina couldn't hide her surprise. "Okay. Well let me get some proper glasses then," she said. She went to the cabinet and pulled out a pair of crystal whiskey glasses. "Not that I'm not happy to see you because I really am, but this is a bit late for you to be out alone isn't it?" Nina tried not to sound like she was lecturing but the thought of this innocent woman being attacked was sobering.

"I took a cab," Rachel said quickly. "And I couldn't sleep and then I thought we could...I mean you haven't been in the office for days so I couldn't reschedule from before and…"

"Rachel, it's okay," Nina assured her gently. "You're welcome here any time," she said bringing the glasses and a corkscrew into the living room. "Oh did you want it on the rocks?" she asked.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah. It helps lessen the sensory impact of the taste a little," she said.

Nina went and got ice for both glasses, knowing mixing a bottle of wine with multiple glasses of scotch was not going to bode well for her in the morning but not giving a single damn.

"Here, have a seat," she offered placing the glasses on the coffee table. She started to sit on the sofa next to Rachel but suddenly thought better of it and took the chair across from her.

Rachel could hear how quickly Nina's heart was beating and it surprised her to know the usually strong woman was actually nervous. And with her of all people, though she supposed it was to be expected.

"You don't have to sit all the way over there," she teased, pouring the scotch into the glasses and handing one to Nina. It was an incredibly rare thing to see Nina Theroux blush and she had to admit, despite everything, it was a bit of a thrill that she was the one who could cause it.

Nina shook her head. "I think it's best if I…."

"Come here Nina," Rachel said firmly, fighting a smile at the startled look on the beautiful face.

Nina was surprised by the commanding tone from her timid friend and instantly moved to the sofa, keeping a safe distance between them.

"You've gotten bossy," Nina said with an awkward smile, taking a sip of the expensive scotch.

"Mm. This is really good," she said.

Rachel sighed. It was clear Nina was deliberately avoiding eye contact and while she appreciated the consideration, it bothered her. "Why won't you look at me?" she asked quietly. She knew why but something told her that she needed to hear it and Nina needed to say it before they could move forward.

Nina rolled her eyes. "You know why Rachel," she replied, wondering if humiliating herself was Rachel's price for forgiveness but knowing she'd gladly pay it.

"Why?"

"Because I assaulted you," Nina said angrily. "You're my best friend and I forced you to kiss me. I don't want to look in your eyes because I want you to feel safe and because I cant'…" Nina paused and swallowed the rest of the scotch, blaming the amber liquid for the burning in her throat.

"You can't what" Rachel pushed carefully. She could hear Nina's heart racing dangerously.

"I can't stand the thought of seeing fear or disgust in your eyes Rachel. Can't you understand that?"

Rachel's heart ached at the word disgust. She reached out and placed her fingers under Nina's china, turning her face so they were looking each other in the eyes.

"You hurt me Nina," she said seriously and her fingers tightened when she felt the taller woman try to pull away. "No. It's high time we talk about it."

"I tried before Rachel and you didn't want to."

Rachel dropped her hand now that Nina was finally willing to look at her. "I know, but I do now. I don't like us being like this."

"Me either but what can I even say or do to even begin to make up for what I did?"

"Maybe it would help if I told you what I was most upset about," Rachel suggested.

Nina snorted. "You mean forcing you to kiss another woman in public isn't enough?"

Rachel smiled. "You're being a woman has nothing to do with it Nina."

"No?" Nina wasn't entirely sure what to make of that revelation but she decided to store that piece of information for later.

"No. I'm not that uptight," she laughed.

Nina's heart flipped at the big smiling eyes and the dimples that she had missed. "No, you aren't," she agreed softly, remembering that had been one of the things she had taunted Rachel with that night.

"It wasn't that you pushed me," Rachel repeated. "It wasn't even that you made me kiss you. What truly hurt me Nina was that you told Tommy something I'd never told anyone. Something that I've been so ashamed of. You kissed me then laughed at me when I lost control. I never felt like more of a freak than I did at that moment."

Nina's eyes slid closed as shame flooded her. She had never even considered that would be where Rachel's thoughts would take her.

"Oh Jesus," she said and started to get up. Rachel's hand flew out and grabbed her arm pulling her back to the sofa.

"Don't run away Nina. We need to talk about it."

"How can you even want to be here right now," Nina choked out, self-loathing nearly making her sick. She finished off the scotch and then poured another one.

"Because I know you," Rachel said softly. "It took me a while to calm down enough to think rationally about what happened. I don't know what was in your mind that night, but I've seen your heart enough to know you aren't a deliberately cruel person. And that's why I'm here. I want to know what happened to you."

"Rachel, there isn't…."

"No Nina, there is. I know about what happened with Tommy, that you pushed him. Were you really feeling that alone?" Rachel watched the emotions play across Nina's face and she had to fight her own tears.

"I just got bored. Rosen's treatment of Alpha's was starting to irritate me."

"Bullshit," Rachel interjected, briefly enjoying the way Nina choked on her drink in surprise.

"Wow Rachel," Nina said once she stopped choking.

"Yeah well," Rachel was suddenly embarrassed by her outburst and nervously shoved her hair behind her ear.

"Don't," Nina said softly. "You never have to be embarrassed with me about anything."

"And you never have to hide your feelings from me," Rachel returned. "Please, I need to understand why you laughed at me. For days all I thought was that we were never friends and that you'd been making fun of me all along."

"No Rachel," Nina interrupted urgently. She turned around and faced the surprisingly forthright woman. "I could never laugh at you. Never," she lowered her eyes to make sure that Rachel wouldn't think she was being pushed, "If you never believe anything else I say, you have to believe that."

Rachel's heart fluttered inexplicably at the tone of Nina's voice. Nobody else would have picked up on the minute alteration but Rachel did and she wouldn't even contemplate that it meant what she hoped it did. She dropped her head until she was looking into Nina's red-rimmed eyes and placed a gentle hand on her cheek. Instantly her sense of touch overrode everything else as she experienced the soft skin beneath her palm. Unconsciously her thumb stroked against the little crease that she knew lay hidden beside the lips that had tasted so good.

"Rachel?"

The throaty sound of Nina's voice penetrated her fog and she finally came back to herself. "Sorry," she said shyly. "Nina, I do believe you and that's what breaks my heart. Something drove you to act the way you did and I want to know what. I deserve it."

Nina sighed in surrender. She pulled away from Rachel's hand and lay her head back against the couch. Rachel's gentle touch was almost too much to take and the way she'd been staring at her lips as her abilities took her away, nearly had Nina doing something unforgivable.

"You do deserve it," she said. "I just wish I had an answer for you."

"I don't understand."

Nina rolled her head to the side to look at Rachel, her throat tightening at the sincere concern looking back at her. This time it was Nina's turn to cup Rachel's cheek. "You are the most beautiful, intelligent and amazing person I've ever met. Did you know that?"

Predictably, Rachel rolled her eyes and grinned shyly. "You're evading the question."

Nina chuckled, her head spinning slightly. "You're evading the compliment."

"Nina," Rachel protested, unable to understand her own feelings at Nina's words. There was no change in respiration or heartbeat so Nina believed she was telling the truth.

"You are so innocent but yet you're so strong even if you don't believe it. There is just something about you Rachel. Something warm that draws people to you. People just trust you. I've always been a little envious of you for that."

"So you did…what you did because you were jealous of me?" Rachel was more confused than angry. How this sophisticated, confident and incredibly beautiful woman could envy her for anything was hard to believe.

"No. I honestly don't know why. I saw you standing there and you were looking at me like you are now with those amazing eyes of yours all wide with concern and instead of pushing you to just leave and forget you found me, I made you kiss me. That was the first and only thing that crossed my mind to do. Why?" She asked with a desperation that made Rachel sad.

"I was hoping you could tell me," Rachel said with a smile.

"I wish you'd stop doing that," Nina said numbly, her thumb going straight to one of those dimples that just killed her.

"What?" Rachel was alarmed, fearing she'd pushed the woman too hard and she was going to close off again.

"Smiling at me. You don't know what that smile does to me."

Rachel froze. "Nina, you've had too much to drink. Maybe I should leave. We can finish this later."

"No. Please don't leave," Nina, said, her lips lifted in the saddest smile Rachel had ever seen.

"Okay," Rachel soothed. "I won't. Will you tell me why you told your boyfriend about me?" she asked carefully.

"I told Tommy about you because you are my best friend and mean more to me than anyone and talking about you made it seem like you were with me. I never expected you would look for me."

"Of course I was going to look for you Nina. I was so worried about you. I care about you too."

Nina shrugged as if she either didn't hear the other woman or she didn't believe her.

"And Tommy wasn't my boyfriend," Nina continued and took another deep drink. "He was only with me because I made him. Just like everyone else in my life."

"You're talking about your father," Rachel clarified, tears filling her own eyes as she remembered what Nina had told her about her past.

"Yeah. He would have been long gone if I hadn't forced him to stay with me. But apparently his desire to leave me was more powerful since he killed himself to get away. Hell, maybe that's why I went after you in the club. I figured I would do the one thing that would make sure you left me sooner rather than later."

Rachel winced in sympathy. "Oh Nina," she sighed. Taking a chance, she slid closer wrapping an arm around the increasingly intoxicated woman and pulled her into her arms. "You almost succeeded," she whispered, not letting go when she felt the woman in her arms stiffen as if to pull away, "but I'm not going anywhere."

Both women were quiet for a moment. Nina was debating on how much more she wanted to reveal to Rachel and Rachel was close to losing herself in the subtle yet enthralling scent of Nina's shampoo, the sensual feel of the silky dark hair against her cheek and the solid feel of the strong muscles of Nina's back under her hand was making her glad she'd only had one sip of her drink. Her senses were already reeling.

"I liked kissing you," Nina whispered.

"Wh…what?" Rachel said, her hands stilling on Nina's back.

"When you kissed me, I liked it. It was the most mind blowing kiss I've ever had. You are so passionate Rachel and an amazing kisser."

Rachel wanted to argue that it was against her will, but she couldn't. As she held Nina, the scents about the woman made her realize something she had never even contemplated. "I found you by scent," she said softly.

"Hm?" Nina said nuzzling closer against the small body. She should have known Rachel would be soft and comfortable.

"At the club. You never asked how I was able to find you in an over crowded night club filled with horrifically loud music, irritating lights and the smells of hundreds of people who either bathed in cologne or perfume, or were suffering from major deodorant fail."

Nina grinned at Rachel's description and then it struck her. Rachel's senses must have going wild yet she'd still picked Nina out of the large crowd. "That's right," she said reluctantly pulling away and looking at the amazing woman. "How did you find me?"

Rachel took a deep breath, afraid she was about to make an enormous mistake but unwilling to take the cowards way out. Again. "Your scent. I was able to ignore all the sounds and the smells and identify your perfume out of all those people. Doesn't that tell you something?"

Nina looked into Rachel's eyes seeing the fear in them but this time she knew it wasn't fear of her. It was fear of rejection. "What are you saying?"

Rachel swallowed. She supposed that if this blew up in her face, things wouldn't be any worse than how they've been since the incident. "I don't know," she gave a helpless laugh, "but I think maybe we have a connection and…." she heard the words coming out of her mouth and wanted to die of embarrassment. "OH my God. Forget I said anything," she stammered and got to her feet. "I have to...um…go now."

Nina was on her feet and in front of Rachel almost instantly. "I can't forget it Rache," she said soberly. "I can't forget it because you're right. There is a connection. I went after Tommy because he was my past and the only one who had accepted me for who I was." She stopped and laughed bitterly. "Well until I drove him away. But you are my present. You are the only one who doesn't like me just for what I can do for them and I think that's why I made you kiss me instead of leaving. I needed you Rachel. I needed…." She stopped as tears finally began to fall.

Rachel looked at Nina and she finally saw the loneliness that must have been in her eyes all along and she'd missed it. The one who could see the tiniest speck of dust on a white carpet missed the pain floating in the expressive eyes. Unable to bear it any longer, Rachel reached up and clasped Nina's face. She wiped the tears from Nina's cheeks, surprised to feel the almost violent trembling.

"Nina," she breathed and the before she could change her mind, she stood on her toes and placed her lips over Nina's.

Nina jerked in shock at the contact. Rachel was kissing her. On her own and it nearly made her knees buckle. She heard a whimper escape her own throat but she kept her hands at her side, not wanting to frighten Rachel in any way.

Rachel felt the whimper as much as she heard it and it was the most arousing thing she'd ever heard. She slid her hands in to Nina's hair, thrilling at the silky texture. She was going into overdrive. She needed more and unlike with John, she didn't care. She didn't stop. She deepened the kiss, savoring the unique taste of scotch and chardonnay on Nina's tongue, which was stroking softly against hers. It was a sensation she'd never experienced before and Rachel knew it wasn't going to be long. Acting on her desire alone, she pulled her lips from Nina's and trailed them down the long throat.

"Oh God Rachel," Nina moaned, wanting nothing more than to take control and pull Rachel closer but she couldn't risk it. She could hear the increasingly fervent moans and feel the tremors in the small body and knew Rachel was already so close to orgasm. The fact was that so was she. Just from a kiss.

The husky sound of Nina's voice swam through the whirlpool that her senses had become and she managed to garner enough calm to pull back from where she'd been sucking passionately at Nina's throat. She lifted her eyes and met hazel ones that were nearly completely dilated.

"I'm sor…"

Nina instantly placed a finger over Rachel's swollen lips, swallowing hard at the softness. "No. Never apologize for that. Jesus," she swore breathlessly, her fingers clenching to keep from reaching out to touch her.

Rachel sensed the tenseness in Nina's body and she looked down at the hands that were so close to her hips but not touching. She sighed, knowing and appreciating what Nina was doing.

She took Nina's hands and placed them around herself. "I forgive you Nina."

At those softly spoken words, Nina choked on a sob and tightened her hold around Rachel, burying her face in her neck. She finally released the tears she'd been holding back since she realized what she'd done to Tommy.

"I'm sorry Rachel. So Goddamned sorry," she whispered against Rachel's throat but Rachel heard her. She ran her hand over Nina's head and let her cry; knowing she desperately needed the release.

"It's alright Nina. I do forgive you and you won't ever push me away," she replied sincerely. "You aren't alone anymore."

Nina's hold tightened and she lifted her head, offering a watery smile. "Thank you. I…you mean so much to me Rachel, more than I ever knew. I swear I will never do anything to hurt you again."

Rachel stroked Nina's cheek. "See that you don't," she said seriously. She shivered when Nina turned her head and placed a kiss in her palm.

"So are you and John…"Nina had to ask before she went any further. She wanted Rachel to be happy and if their new Tactical Lead gave her that she wouldn't stand in the way.

Rachel shook her head. "We tried but between his self consciousness about his scars and my hang ups with intimacy, we just decided to stay friends." Suddenly a flash of sadness went through her as she once again wondered if she would ever be able to love. Then soft fingers were under her chin and she was looking into Nina's sincere gentle eyes.

"I don't think you have a hang up with intimacy Rachel," she said quietly. "I think, based on what happened between us just now, that you simply haven't found someone you trust enough to let go with. And I really hope that one day you will let that be me."

"This…what we just did isn't weird for you?" she couldn't help but ask. " I mean aside from that one time, we've never….I mean I didn't even really consider being with you." Rachel's eyes widened as she considered her words. "Not that you aren't beautiful and sweet and everything. I've just never been attracted to a woman before and…" she stopped mid ramble as Nina's slow smile appeared, brining out those sexy little creases.

"You're beautiful when you're all rambly," Nina teased. "And yes, it's a little strange because I really didn't really know just how much I felt for you until I didn't have you anymore," she added seriously. .

"You'll always have me," Rachel assured her gently.

"Me too. So can I kiss you again?" Nina asked with a cautious smile.

"I'd be kind of pissed if you didn't," she replied before pulling the beautifully talented lips back to hers.


End file.
